Annual Function

Manka has his annual function tomorrow. I have all these mixed feelings. My boy is growing up. 

Manka Tales

It makes me sad that I was never able to write about Manka and the million things he has done and said in last 2 and 1/2 years. Sigh! I will try and put some here, some old some new. All precious.
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Sometime in June he became freinds with P who lives next door. They wanted to spend all their time together.

Manka- Mumma I am not Manka.
Me- Huh!
Manka- I am not Manka, I am P (His friend next door)
Me- Huh! (Yes I am slow!)
Manka- MUMMA! I am P, I want to go home. P's home. Okay!
Me- Ohhhh!

Getting along

Days are crawling and though I am sure I have been pregnant forever the diary says 9weeks. Sigh! Lack of energy is making even the smallest tasks seem huge and I shout and snap and stomp and what not! I slapped Manka twice in last 12 hours. I rarely ever slap him, its mostly one on his back or his hands if he is being particularly naughty. I hate myself when I hit him on cheek. One because it shows in all its glory and second because it always shocks him more than bring the point to his notice. But mostly because it is inhuman, I remember the few slaps I received as a kid and not good memories. Aaargh! I will not hit him however tired or mad I am. He is tiny!!!

N is in India for 10 days and I am not going to see him. I have no energy to travel all the way and he is on such short trip he cant come. God knows when I will see him next. ST is going to Mumbai for the weekend and I am hyperventilating even thinking about it.

The nausea has not been that bad this time and except on a few occasions it has been easy for me. Sometimes I dont even feel preggers . The fatigue just makes me feel like a loser and it is killing me in different ways.  I do realise these are going to be the last few months of Manka being the only child. happy/sad. But I think he will love to have a sibling. We got him a toy baby and he adores it and has adopted it. Pichi he calls it and we haven't yet decided if its a boy or a girl.

Doctors and magic

I like My OB Gyn this time. She is young and lovely. Of course she is also good at her job.I hate doctors who make me uncomfortable in any way even if they are supposedly very competent. Supposedly because I never find out, I just go to another one. I should be able to talk to my doctor, should have faith in her and should be able to ask questions when I have doubts even if they seem silly.

Anyway beside the fact that she young and lovely she gave me a magic pill and the nausea is almost but gone. Any and every smell still irritates me but I can bear that. And I also have to bear fatigue, slow digestion, acidity, back ache, other discomforts and fatigue. I am tired all the time. I sleep for 11 hours each night, not done that in long long time. Actually I dont remember ever sleeping like that!. But I am still tired.

I dont want to hire a cook right now because cooking is just about the only thing I am doing these days. But I need to find a good one because I will need one later.Another fist.

I dont remember what I wanted to write.
Gah!

Trains

Soon I will be a mother of two (:D) but of course I refuse to grow up, so I asked Mom to send me some snacks. Also I somehow find all the outside food dirty these days (!!!!) and have no energy to cook more than I already do, so.

Dad sends it with anyone coming this way and usually ST goes and picks it up from the station. Because I am hormonal and because I feel bad that I cannot take Manka out and poor thing has to stay in so much, I thought I will send him to see his beloved trains. Which automatically meant I had to go as well.  Which also meant me not being able to hit the bed at 9 sharp. Yes I  have embraced old age! So we went and Manks had a blast. He could not stop talking and was fascinated by the tracks and could not believe there was water on the tracks. Now he wants water the track of his toy train and I am not amused.

As for me, what was I thinking leaving for station without water and right after dinner! But I did not throw up! All's well.

Filling up

I am preggers. Almost eight weeks and even though I did jump like mad when I first found out and could not stop smiling, now I am happy only as I end each day if I manage a decent one.

I had a bad first trimester last time as well, but we arranged for our meals from hospital canteen and I just ignored everyone and everything. This time of course I have Manka and even though I am prepared to send him to Mom's if things get very bad, but till then I will keep trying to keep things as normal for him. That he is going to playgroup and I have part time help at home, so far I am managing.

Nothing else much!

Friends

The one thing that makes me saddest is that I am bad when it comes to dealing with people. I barely get along with the in-laws, I keep a safe distance from most of my extented family and I have like one friend, whose birthday I forget every year!!

It is sad. There is this other friend I met a couple of years ago and we had good fun. I like her a lot and adored her son and even her husband was a friend of ST's. And then something happened and it I snapped. It was not a big issue, but I felt cheated and I could not get over it. So I did what I always do. Started distancing myself and now I rarely see her.

I dont know what to think! I am not overly sensitive but I think when you let someone so close the least you can expexct is for them to be considerate. I would never do the kind of thing they did, so I find it difficult to get over it. On the other hand, sometiimes, I think if I keep pushing everyone out of my life I will lose out on all the beautiful moments that come with relationships! I would love to have friends but I can never be friends with people I cant respect.